| VOX POP If you had to choose, which gay would you take home to meet MOM?? |
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 Joyce, 18,
apprentice shop assistant
"I've only just developed an interest in homosexuals but from what I can gather, Cliff Richard seems to be a good one" |
 Gretel, careworker
"I love the poetry of Sappho, especially, I have some recordings of Heath Ledger doing her work, so it would have to be Sappho for me"
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from our sponsors |
Clitty, 60, Motorcycle mechanic
"You can't go past Kenneth  Williams in terms of REALLY REALLY gay. I like Martina, arms don't come much gayer than that. My Mum could get her to move the fridge so she could hoover behind it. Every time I attempt it, I get an anal fissure" |
Joanne, surgeon
 "I just love Janet Reno. I loved her in the Clinton administration.
I don't know if she is a lesbian, but fuck me, she looks like one" |
Sister Mary-Kylie
 "I like David Furnish a lot. He's quite handsome and he was really good in Bad Girls and I think my mom would like him if she weren't dead" |
Anthea, Works in a pet shop
"I used to like Anne Heche, but then she went back. Since then I've lost interest really. My mom hates gays anyway, especially me"  |
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| VOX POP Love your vagina but think the name SUCKS? Just what nickname do you have for your bearded clam? |
What's My
Scene?
Joyce Kunk, cleaner of the set of the fabulous HBO Documentary "The LWord" loves Gaystuff's LESBYFLAKES part of the Sapphood range of nutritious and tasty lesbian food made by lesbians for other lesbians to eat.
"I love Gaystuff's products, they really understand the lesbian diet in a way no other company has ever come close. When I head off to work each day I know I need something realy substantial in my gut. Lesbyflakes provide me with that. I'm sick of eating straight food adapted to homosexual tatses. Now we have our own range, I thank god for it. Straight food always left me feeling strangely hollow. Bit like an Anne Heche film really. " |
from our sponsors
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Francine, 28
"Bearded clam, bearded chequebook, the wound that wont heal, bearded axe wound, These are some my brothers employ. Fanjita -fange -lady garden, think i like snatch best. More pro active ! But fronty wins hands down for me." |
John Howard
"I run Australia. If you haven't heard of it, then you're not a bloody fair dinkum human being. Your'e not a real Aussie. Not like Kerry Packer was.
As far as you bloody homos are concerned, you'll be getting married over MY DEAD BODY. It's bloody un-Australian to even entertain the idea. You drongo bastards" |
Joyce, 15
Pussy is horrible.
Makes me think of.. Peter Stringfellow.. and.. teenage boys. In as much as they would be the types to use the word.
Fanny is acceptable for situations not involving coitus.
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Janine, 28
" QUIM......
thats horrid.....
front bottom gets my vote. Remember that tv show, Dr Quinnn medicine woman, I used to always think Dr Quim was more appropriate " |
Charlene
" I'm sort of from the south, definitely not from the north anyway, and we always said fanny. Especially as there was an antiques shop down the road called Fanny's that used to send out flyers saying 'FANNYS - ANTIQUES - £1.00 EACH!'
Actually it wasn't a bad shop, I once bought a Wade beaver there " |
Brianene
" I like muff
as immortalised in the opening lines of 'Tom Jones' the musical
'i think i left my muff in Cherry Copice',
but i cant bring myself to use it because i like my other muff too much .. you know, the fluffy kind you put your hands in .. so i use cunt or box or occasionally pie warmer. The latest is angelburger after a work incident! |
J
Dorene
"I call mine the "all you can eat downstairs lady buffet" My wife, Samanthene, likes to slather it with mustard. I insist on French, mind you. LOL!" |
Maureen
"I call it my "Nasty Parcel" because that's just how I feel about it. I'd be better off without it. It's a mucky hole of devilment, and I never go near it. My son George, who runs the world, is thinking ot amending our great constitution and having it outlawed, and I'm all for it." |
Josephine
" I had a terrible childhood. I felt left out. I wanted to be a rock star but I failed. That is why I have been unable to run the country properly and why I had to let Cherie do it in the end. " |
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| VOX POP love your mother but what would you do if she CAME OUT? |
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Francine, 28
"I think I would ask my Mother to seek counselling. I certainly would NOT want her turning up to the same bars as me." |
Carol, 45
"Id have her sectioned under the mental health act"
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Jill, 19, twin sister of Jane
" I think I would most likely lose my lunch. I'd be very disappointed for my dad, I mean finding out your wife is a leza. Poor cunt.! |
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Don't get caught on the court without these gorgeous additions to your sports kit. Get Julie on your side with these fabulous accessories.
Available in Red, Green, Plum and Rainbow stripes.*
Check out the rest of our gorgeous range of pride porducts
*not endorsed by Ms Andrews |
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Jane, 19 twin sister of Jill
"I hate cheese. I hate sprouts and I hated school. I wanted to be a dancer but I have a club foot." |
Liz, 12
"My mother has always been the gayest of souls. Why, when I was making National Velvet with Mickey Rooney, Mother would take us in her car for sodas. She always had a smile, sometimes she would get down, missing England and all, but I do remember her being gay as can be. Why do you ask? |
Nahoushette,67
" My mother was very advanced for her time. She wore a Kaftan once to my school play. Unfortunately she died when I was very young. I think she would have liked to have been gay.She told me once my Father was a hopeless fuck." |
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VOX POP. WE LOVE HAIR, IT'S AN ESSENTIAL PART OF OUR EVERYDAY LIVES, AND FUN. BUT WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU HAD TO GIVE YOUR'S UP? WHAT WOULD YOU USE INSTEAD? |
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What's My Seen?
 Celebrity lesbian author and member of the Board of Gay & Lesbian Chartered Part Time Accountants, Meg Fidgett, says her favourite all time lesbian film is "Feed my Rat" by Palestinian Director, Askit Boogats.
"I love this film because it is a tender story about a young girl whose only way of telling her best friend she loves her is by giving to her her beloved pet rat.
Then the rat dies and the girl tries to kill her best friend, it has an unexpected outcome that made me laugh uproariously, after crying throughout most of it. " |
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Barryina, 28
"I think I might get another kitten, so I could sit my two pussy cats on my lap and help them keep me warm because my vaginal hair would be gone, am I right." |
Hamlet, 45
"I've been bald most of my life. I gave my hair to a gay rights movement several years ago. they gave it to undepriveleged gays so that they could practise with hair products for when they got rights and moved to the west "
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Jill, 21, girlfriend of Liz
"Some hair from my sister, we have the same DNA, so I guess hers would fit" |
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Liz, 19,girlfriend of Jill
"I'd take some hair from my tummy and put it up on my head. Is that what you mean? Did i get it right?" |
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Ellen & Portia
" Once a month a group of us gather together and go without our hair, as a political statement".! |
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Jane, 19 twin sister of Jill
"I hate cheese. I hate sprouts and I hated school. I wanted to be a dancer but I have a club foot." |
Davida & Eltona
"I couldn't, I'd go crazy. I'd kill some poor, non descript people who aren't celebrities and have their hair. They don't need it" |
Nahoushette,67
" My mother was very advanced for her time. She wore a Kaftan once to my school play. Unfortunately she died when I was very young. I think she would have liked to have been gay.She told me once my Father was a hopeless fuck." |
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YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT
Too many choices can lead to confusion and the eating of wrong things, such as rubber and pieces of stuff that fall out of the hoover: BIVA wants to know what YOU eat to stay on top of the game.
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Janine
"I eat a lot of pork, it helps me in my job as a Brazilian Waxologist"
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Geoff and Carene
"I like a lot of greasy food, burgers and the like, but Carene prefers smaller, drier food, like corn chips and rice cakes and leaves" |
Harriet
"I usually just have something I find on the way home from work. Once I found a childs shoe and ate that.
I've got a gut like a fucking steamship"
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 Shalotte
"I work nights so I don't get to cook much but my partner Deena loves to cook. She makes great smoothies for when I get home in the early hours. Sucking cock for a living sure leaves a bad taste in your mouth, LOL" |
Max-Seen
"I run a wholesale vegetarian business, 100% organic and completely "gay-grown", so I usually pop down to the vegetable patch after work and have a radish or sneak an egg from the organo-homo-hens" |
Helen
"I'm not great with food, I've been bulimic since I was young. If they force me to eat something, in the hospital, like force feed me with a tube, it's usually something liquid. I'm generally not allowed to throw it up again. If I ate normally I think I'd stick to liquids, like milkshakes and vodka. |
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Kary and Jody
"We have a ritual each meal time where we give thanks to our maker for what we are about to eat. It involves staring into the soul of the other person through the sole of their shoe.. Makes us entirely grateful for what we sup" |
Nolene
"Iknew she was cheating on me almost from the beginning. I never thought pain could feel like that. I was used to a broken nail or a sprained ankle. But she split my heart down the middle. So I shot her. Is that what you meant?
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