New leader of the ousted Australian Liberal party, Dr Brendan Nelson said today that he would back equal rights for Australian Homosexuals.

‘I believe in addressing the social and economic injustices affecting homosexuals,’ he said.

He went on to say that these rights however would not include adoption, IVF treatment or gay marriage

Dr Nelson, pictured above giving Australian soldiers equal rights to kill people in the Middle East, said that the new Liberal party would like to ‘distance’ itself from the old conservative era of the Howard regime.

‘A more modern Liberal party, under my direction, would finally give the gay the right to vote,’ the former defense minister said, ‘and with increased temperatures caused by global warming, I think they should be allowed into public pools.’

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Is she or isn’t she lesbi-like Mel C is so popular amongst some lesbians that one avid Sporty Spice fan has immortalised the singer in tiles on the bottom of her resorts swimming pool, pictured left.

‘I love Sporty,’ said resort owner Dereka-Marie Starsky, of Vulva, Idaho. ‘She was always the one with the real talent. I don’t go in much for the other 4 Spicers, but Mel floats my boat, almost literally,’ giggled the plump hotelier.

Ms Starsky who runs the resort/hotel ,’Welcome Wim-Inn’ with her wife Rhonda, won the 2006 Best Purely Lesbian Accommodation Experience.

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A UK lesbian on holiday in South Africa claimed yesterday to have seen the image of the Loch Ness monster burned into the terracotta tile of her brother’s kitchen floor.

The lesbian, a plumber from Durham, said she first noticed the image, pictured left, around 9pm on Sunday morning.

‘My brother was making pancake batter and I was inquiring as to what his recipe comprised when out of the corner of my eye, I I beheld this apparition in front of the water cooler,’

The brother, who wished to remain nameless, said that it wasn’t the first time his sister had experienced visions.

‘She once claimed she saw Jennifer Beals appear on a microwave plate.’

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Census taken in 89 countries over a period of 2 years have revealed that gays now outnumber Christians 1800-1.
Dr Norm Hunk of L’ Institute for Counteur du Populatione’ said that the number of gays had quintupled over the last decade and that the surge would continue.

‘It doesn’t stop there, there are more gays than Muslims, Moonies and Jehova’s Witnesses. Christians themselves are even fleeing the religious life and taking up the way of homosexuality,’ said the Doctor.
‘This picture (left) of several nuns washing up on a beach at Lesbos was taken by a surprised holiday maker. It seems the nuns had escaped during a day trip to Lourdes. They are now applying for some kind of gay asylum in Skala Eressos.’

Joyce Hugmee of Gayway International said the news of an increase in the gay population ‘couldn’t have come at a better time’.

‘Being gay is fabulous, and much more thrilling than being say, a Mormon, for example. And now that laws have loosened up considerably, why take the low road when you can take the high road to happy homosexuality.’

Christian family groups were outraged by the findings, though one prominent anti homosexual activist, Dr. Paul Cameron of the Family Research Institute, was not overly concerned. According to Doctor Cameron’s research, married gays and lesbians lived 24 fewer years than their conventionally married counterparts.

‘Let em breed up, let em get wed. The consistency of reduced lifespan for those engaging in homosexuality is significant,” said Dr. Cameron, ‘they are simply ‘gayin’ themselves to death.’

Inspiration-christiannewswire.com

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Disgraced former Televangelist, Ted Haggard, was spotted on his knees in the streets of Phoenix yesterday begging for his university tuition fees.
The former New Life Church pastor plans to seek a master’s degree in counseling at the University of Phoenix while his wife studies psychology.

For the man who once held weekly phone conversations with George W.Bush, it seemed quite a fall from grace. But Mr Haggard remained upbeat.
‘Asketh and thy shall receive,’ Mr Haggard shouted to passersby.

Haggard, who until recently could be found on his knees with a penis in his mouth, said, ‘The Lord told us that we need a degree to carry on doing his work and we all know how much a can of Coca Cola costs on campus.’

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