Anyone who denies God’s love for gays only has to look at the bodies he handed out to us. Look at Kelly Holmes. If God loathes the homosexual race he would have given ‘Our Kell’ a body like Andrea Dworkin and sent her out to win. He would have given racquet wielding super Sapph Martina the body of Stephen Hawking and sent her out to seek victory at Wimbledon 300 times.
But regardless of OUR excellence on the sporting field there still remain some countries in which hiring out a volleyball court to a practising homosexual is VERBOTEN! That’s why WE in ‘THE COMMUNITY’ like to organise our own sporting events and YOU€ CAN TOO!
To fund your HOMO HOMEGAYMES you’ll need to hold a raffle. Gay friendly businesses are eager to donate prizes. Sapphood, lesbi- owned victualists might supply a tin of mung 
bean burgers or snacks from their vagina flavour vegan range. For a sex themed hamper, try ‘GirlJizz’ for their range of hemp-based fair trade dildos.The raffle ticket can double as entry to your HOMO HOME GAYMES.
The GAYMES are truly international, so you’ll need as many foreign particpants as possible. Pop down to your local detention center & ask ‘The Government’ if you can borrow a few gay asylum seekers on the run from torture and possible death in their homelands, Be sure to get them the day before to sort their national costumes out at OXFAM. Post parade, hand out maps so they can keep a marchin’ right on back to the detention center.
Those blessed with access to a garden and a container of Johnson’s Baby Powder will at this point be ready to get their games underway. Take the baby powder and delineate your field by drawing a circle around the boundaries of your garden leaving 5 steps from either end for seating. where your spectators will sit. Then, carefully draw ever-decreasing circles until you are standing in the middle of you stadium/yard.
Next, go upstairs and bring down a single bed mattress placing it off to one end of the stadium/garden/bedsit. This is for the high jump. Next dig up a small section of lawn and turn the soil. This is best done the day before so the soil can dry out slightly. This is for the long jump. Next up you will need your very own Olympic Village in which to house your gay-thletes. Drape the kitchen table with your rainbow flag. Couch cushions should suffice as a comfy bed. Some of the less hairy female competitors may have to bunk down with you. No more than 4 though, as you will need to be fit as a fiddle to “LIGHT THE FLAME’. This is the best part. Slather your biggest dildo with lube then dip it in lighter fluid, set it alight and run as fast as you can around your back garden screaming, ‘Let the games begin.’
