The sun was hardly above the yard arm when CIA agent Jess Cufflink made her way across the sandy red road.
The red dust dusted her white toes and she cast her mind back to three weeks before, before all hell had broken loose and her once peaceful world had been shattered into a trillion pieces. ‘Like a packet of crisps under an elephant’ Jess thought to herself, ‘Or a baby ant run over by a tractor being driven by the fattest man on earth,’
Just then a little involuntary tear came down the cheek of CIA agent Jess Cufflink and her humanness shone through.
‘Like a disco ball,’ she thought to herself, ‘back home at Naughty Norma’s All-Girl Bar and Tackle Shop, where you and I used to dance, slow, moving round the floor like,..,… like one of those floor waxing machines with the big brushes,’
But Jess had no time for casting her mind back to happier times; she was here on assignment, an assignment she knew she had to complete…and complete fast.
For in a missing piece of satellite somewhere her on the floor of the desert lay a piece of information, perhaps a piece of information that may save the world, or indeed some of it.

‘The important parts,’ the President had said to Jess as she stood in the Oval Office accepting her assignment, ‘Like America and England and Australia and maybe Canada but only the bits where the skiing is good. And Texas. And that titty bar down on route 46. Might good tits down there.’
Jess had laughed remembering the times her and the President had spent at that very titty bar, sinking tequila and shooting the breeze and taking in the titties.
But Jess had no time for titty-bar memories; there were pieces of satellite to be discovered, people to be saved…and a broken heart to be got over.
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As she swung open the door, the heavy beat of Melissa Etheridge greeted her ears and she made her way to the bar past the throngs of heaving lesbian bodies, breast against breast, feeling the beat of the music pulsing up from the floor through the lesbian legs and across the trembling mound of venus and on and up to their hearts and then faces. This was the kind of place Liz called home. And she was proud. 
One night, after she and her friends had drunk ever so many lovely pints of lovely brown ale, Megan met a lovely friendly young girl called Pauline, or Pauly for short. Pauly was jolly and fun and had ever so much debt on her credit card that after they had spent the evening making love with dildos, Megan said, “Oh jeepers, I know, why dont you come and live with me Pauly?”
She liked to wander along the shore keeping her eyes peeled for the little piece of broken and worn glass she liked to collect. She kept them in a honey jar back home in Peckham, a souvenir of her many happy years in this land of relentless blue skies and wind swept goats.




