It’s time once again to get your pens and paper out, budding Sapphettes, and submit yourself to the tri-annual Biva Lesbian Limerick Competition.
Celebrate your lady loving experience in 5 line verse and WIN BIG.
Up for grabs is a jar of the lady lovers favourite, Tofu Sausage in Brine from gayfood Inc, a subsidiary of Gayshitwithrainbowson.com or our gorgeous BIVA TEE to grace your breasts this summer.

Last years winner, 17 year old Kate Marshall from Hull wrote-

There once was a lesbian called Maude,
Who one day when very bored,
Went down the boozer,
Drank nine pints of Ouza,
And got cunny-munched by the landlord.

Helen Shogun from Shuck, Idaho wrote-

I once loved a girl called Simone,
Who when lady-loved really did moan,
She’d scream at the cum,
Which did frighten her Mum,
So one night the police she did phone.

Submit your talented entries to biva(AT)biva.co.uk with LESBO LIMERICK in the subject line. Alternatively leave your poems in the comment box.
Entries must be received by midnight April 1. Al entries will be published here and the top 50 will be anthologised by award winning wimm-inn only publishers, Labia Press.

Share on Facebook

Another sapphic delight from the great Janine Fuchs-Neuchel, poet in resident at the Adelaide festival of the Arts, Crafts and Macrame

Oh Canada
Your maple sugar lips sticky with fuschia
Your autumn hair glinting russet and gold
We drink cider
Canada
With a scummy ooze floating on top
That you tell me is butter
And cinnamon quills
Your black eyes
Canada
Like pissing in the snow
Like a great jagged hole in the ice
Like a harpooned seal
Your black eyes
Round with ecstasy
Or not
I canÂ’t tell
But if it were
Surely you would
Be groping me by now

Share on Facebook

The wizened old nun looked up from her espresso and stared out toward the piazza , watching the children run to and fro, chasing pigeons and shouting to each other in Italian.
“Fly birdy, fly away” she heard one small voice cry out.
She watched the boy clap his hands behind the pigeon and as the bird took flight the boy chased along behind for a second.
The sun had begun to set and the nun was feeling chilly. She ordered a whiskey from the young waiter who stood on the steps of the cafe watching the children.

“Un whiskey perfavore” said the nun.
“Sure” said the waiter, pleased to show off his english language skills.
She followed him inside with her eyes, she watched him laughing with the barista. She knew what they were laughing at.
Young men always laughed at old nuns, especially when they had pigeon shit all down their back.

The pigeon had shat on her earlier in the day. It must have had stomach trouble she thought, the shit had been enormous and had smelt strongly.
“No wonder” she thought to herself, “a diet of KFC and pizza was hardly a traditional diet for a pigeon.
A nun from birth she had been raised to treat all gods cretaures with reverence and the pigeon was no different. Just because it had crapped all down her back was no reason to hate the poor creature, and besides, as the shit had dried it had begin to smell less and she was less bothered by the………..

To win a BIVAir teeshirt simply answer the following question:
What was the name of the pigeon that shat down the nuns back?

A-Ludovigo
B-Janine

send your entries to BivaHeadquarters

Share on Facebook

To you, Mr Graceless Kelly
I would walk a mile in stiletto heels
I’d cook you all your everning meals
If only you would be my butch.
I would crawl a mile across broken glass
I’d let you fuck me in the ass
If only you would be my butch.
I can’t believe you’re really straight
Your husband’s just your friend, a mate
Come Mr Kelly, be my butch.

Another fan of the graceless kelly man.

Gina
Is that an axe I see, Gina,
On your upper arm there, Gina
Your white vest is to me, Gina
A symbol of lilberty, Gina
Bound you aren’t, Gina
By the dratted conventions, Gina
Bound 2, is it coming out soon, Gina?

by Kate from Camden

Candybar Crush
I saw her small, she was, playing pool
she moved the queue, like a girl after my own heart
she stabbed at the ball, one after the other they flew
down holes
giving me ideas
i looked her up and down
her white vest, fluorescent, matching my crazy heart
beating like the drum and base over head from the bose
“you wanna baileys and coke” i say?
“no” she says back, snarling over the 8 ball
“I want you”
helen, margate
little jill porner
little jill porner
was a right little horner
eating her muff all day
along came a rider
and shat down beside her
and spoiled poor little jills day
Carol, Chelsea
lesvos holiday
Oh Greece and her ancient seas
her temples to Zeus and Artemise
The Parthenon has Athena asleep at her feet
as the Gods gambol, their nectar so sweet
And in silence I pay tribute to
Diana the God of the hunt
as I wander the seashore and stare at cunt.
Renee, B’ham

However
I am tall I am not
I am cold I am hot
I am fast I am slow
I am lesbian dont you know
I eat veg I eat meat
I run backwards up the street
I like rain I eat snow
I am lesbian dont you know
I am mother I am son
I weigh nowt I weigh a ton
I drink guiness I love blow
I am lesbian dont you know
However……
I am not very sure
If I like it anymore
Fran, Norfolk
Peace
Peace, piece of piss
Please, Mr Bush
please peace me!
Beryl, Hollywood

Share on Facebook