The winter’s here and it’s time to hunker down, homosexual, and hibernate in the comfort of your own gay home. If you’re a girl with a passion for balls and pockets, than what better way to spend the next 9 months under miserable gray skies than with this Mel C emblazoned pool table.
Your gorgeous gay home will be the envy of lesbians both locally and internationally. Answer these 2 simple gay themed quiz questions for your chance to win-

Q- Which colour does NOT form part of the gay pride rainbow flag
1.- Violet
2.Yellow
3.Indigo
4.Beige

Q- Which of the following celebrities recently came out as bisexual
1.- Queen Elizabeth II of England
2.Missy Higgins
3.Gordon Brown
4.Jane Austen

Ph 090887 9898273 998 to claim your prize*

*calls cost 12347764p a minute and last no more than 12 hours

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Do you really know yourself young les? Do any of us?
Do we know each other? Do we know what we want, what we need, where we’re going?
Nope, no fucking clue really.

Which of the words below most attracts you?

A- Love
B- Health
C- Chemistry
D- Shit

If you were an animal, what would you be?

A- Cheetah
B- Lion
C- Eagle
D- Pubic lice

Who would you take with you to a desert island?

A- Jennifer Beals
B- Mahatma Ghandi
C- Amanda Burton
D- Clitty RubQuick

How do you know when you fancy someone?

A- My heart beats quickly
B- I feel my face get slightly warm
C- I find myself smiling when I see her
D- My pants fall off and I start touching my vagina

For fun and recreation I like to…..

A- Listen to my Ipod
B- Take a Yoga class
C- take weekend breaks
D- I like to pitch my tent in my backyard and hunt pigeons

If on a date, what would you drink ?

A- barardi Breezer
B- lager
C- bourbon & coke
D- a cup of my morning urine from a thermos

If I could have my ideal job it would be ?

A- IT consultant
B- Television presenter
C- Landscape gardener
D- Vibrator designer

I would describe myself as…

A- cheeky but shy
B- attractive but offstandish
C- a people person
D- slightly hunchbacked but well intentioned

My favourite song of all time is

A- “Hello”-Lionel Richie
B- “Slow”- Kylie Minogue
C- “Georgia”- Ray Charles
D- “My tongue Just cain’t stop lick’n Ya Lady Lovah”
Snakey Whitlam

A= 1 point for each A
B= 2 points for each B
C= 3 points for each C
D= 4 points for each D

Score 7-10 As a lesbian you’re intune slightly to who you are and what you want. You know your powers of persuasion and that you’re attractive to the same sex. You work in a field that fulfills you and you know where you want to tak your life. Pity you’ve only got weeks to live.

Score 10-15 As far as knowing yourself goes, you’re on your way to having some idea of what makes you tick. Some would disagree and say you’re a clueless fuck who could’nt organise a fuck in a brothel. You’re the kind of girl who’d stand up for herself and disagree, causing an argument which is probably why you find it difficult to hang on to friends. The last time you had sex was probably last January. Are we wrong? We think not, but if we are, SUE US!

Score 16-789 You’re a lesbian with her head screwed on right. You know whats going on with you and the world to the extent that we reckon you could probably end the war in Iraq whilst giving Amanda Burton a quick fingering at the same time. We’d like you to come in and take over the running of Biva. Please phone Fran on 017298721232 and let her know when you can start. There’s free Absinthe on tap.

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WE KNOW we’re lesbians. Do you know if you’re really one?
Take our test.
1- a vagina looks like something in a butcher shop window

yes
no
2. Rebecca Loos is a fox

yes
no
3. A tight white vest is the only item of clothing I need

yes
no
4. The LWord is a documentary

yes
no
5. The most important world issues at this moment in history are-

global warming
that I can afford to pay my GaydarGirls membership.

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