Gay rights activists are up in arms following comments made by The Rt Rev Graham Ninny, Bishop of Scrote, at the weekend.

The Bishop blames sexual permissiveness, particularly homosexual, and a loosening of sexual morals for the floods that hit some parts of the UK this weekend.
“The sexual orientation regulations are part of a general scene of permissiveness. We are in a situation where we are liable for God’s judgment, which is intended to call us to repentance.” said the Bishop, picture left dressed as Adam Ant for a recent fancy dress ball.

LGTBBGQ Spokesperson Judy Kultsch said that ‘God’s a pretty rubbish shot then, why didn’t he send a torrent through Soho on Saturday and wipe out half the gays of London.’

The Bishop, who came under suspicion last year when his excuse for arriving late at midnight mass at the Cathedral of Nun Cum Rubmee, was that he was ‘having supper with Father and Mrs Christmas,’ remained unrepentant today.

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Pretty Pony Villas owner Nancy Crisp was “pleased as punch” last night when Pretty Pony Villas Won The Biva Best Purely Lesbian Accommodation Experience award for ladies who luv ladies in the UK.

Ms Crisp, previously a partner in the Nil by Mouth Caravan Park and Women’s Plumbing Workshop said she had worked hard to provide the lady loving lady with the best away from home style holiday in Christendom.

“I learned a lot from my time at Nil”, she said after receiving her award from Whoopie Goldberg. “We were up against some fine competition, the Split Whisker does a great Continental breakfast and The Beef Curtain really gave me a scare for a moment. And not to take anything away from the other girls, I think our hard work really showed in the new Virginia Woolf Communal Dining hall and the Reiki Workshops really sealed ot for us. Plus we allow dogs”

Last years award went to Sapphic & Simple for it’s self catering and 65 Uses for Panty Liner Workshop. The complex of 45 corrugated iron shacks unfortunately burned down earlier this year when one of the guests left a battery charger to overheat.

Ms Crisp wins a book token from Leslife Magazine and a Body shop hamper to the value of £15 pounds

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Joyce Muff doesn’t consider herself to be a designer. But when she came up with the first rough drawings for what was to become the BIVA Masturbation Mitt, pictured below, friends convinced her to submit the design to the “Lesbian and Bisexual Design Academy Awards”.

Last night Ms Muff, the head of the Biva design team – who also came up with the innovative Julie Tee Design and the Kelly Holmes running shorts in a bottle, said she was stunned yet pleased that the award had gone to the Masturbation Mitt, a project over which she said she had “shed much sweat”.
Judges said her design was not only gorgeous, it was practical in so many ways.

What we look for” said Dr Ace Ventura, pictured above, “Is above all functionality. We believe from follows function and The Biva Masturbation Mitt incorporates both.”

The glove also scooped the pools in the “Best New Fitness Equipment” category and “Colours That Go Best With Trainers Award”.

Miss Muff, single but hopeful, said she thought that “the award might get me invited to some parties with a better class of lesbian”.

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