By Staff Reporter J.V Queen
Born-again Catholic and high profile rug-muncher Alice B Toklas has done it again with her sizzling new autobiography written by Gertrude Stein.
Although deceased for some time, Stein, pictured left in Venice on the hunt for pigeon pie ingredients, was able to manifest herself on a spelt pancake in Lower Alto Rio for long enough to dictate her latest writings to a goat herder herding goats. Mrs Janet Howard, who cooked the pancake, said that she was disappointed not to have channeled interpretative-gendered rock superstar, Prince, and blames low-quality European eccies for the disappointing turn out. ‘
‘If they had been Australian I would have been off my fucking face’,Â’ stated Mrs Howard. ‘’As it was I had run around the block six times before I felt anything like the pope’s arsehole.Â’’
Author of cult faves Hash Yourself to Higher Consciousness, Cooking with Hash and Hash Me Now, Hash Me Later: 5 Minute Hash Recipes for Working Mums, veteran vagineater Toklas’Â’ new book is sure to become an instant classic. Lapsed Catholics will find the chapter on Mescaline particularly useful. For a limited time, the book is packaged with a 1oz sample of 100% pure Lesbianese Blonde Hash. Available at all good newsagents.
