The gay-themed missing papers of 16th century novice Nun Kylie of Nonce were recently located in a gym locker in Hurlville, Idaho.
The papers, unearthed by gym teacher Ms Jody-Anne Marie Schmuck, were said to be in good condition and carbon dating will take place shortly.
Scribbled by Kylie of Nonce, pictured left, in a police identi-kit image, the papers contains insights into the world of nunnism dating back centuries.
An extract is printed here exclusively for Biva readers.
The hand is sick, the plants obscure
Please up there, I need a cure
Are you listening god? Its me
I’m down here on my bended knee
and while im here I may as well
Have some asparagus vag
In hell I’ll be
Those nuns were right
The ones I shagged all day and night
You’ve got some babes, god, in these cloisters
They plied me with liqueur and oysters
until I couldn’t hardly see
and then took my virginity
so god you see, those nuns are hot
they put their dildo up my bot
and then we had a quick nun sanger
with a double-ended wanger
those nuns are kinky as can be
they rubber sexed in front of me
and now you see I’ve hurt my wrist
those nuns do surely love to fist
so god I think that your son jesus
should do exactly as he pleases
to satisfy the carnal lust
of all the nuns who in god trust
and please my hand could you make right
so I can ‘do’ the nuns all night
copyright Ms Jody-Anne Marie Schmuck and Ms Liz Sheetz
