Whether you're in a long-term relationship, or are just looking for new ways to woo the lady in your life, these tips will help you keep love and passion alive with your partner.

1.   Tell her you love her. Do you do it enough? Be specific. Say, "Honey, you make me laugh," or "You're the sexiest person I've ever met." or "Honey, you look more like Mickey Rourke everyday". Only say it if you mean it. She'll know the difference.If you have to lie, have some drinks, vodka can make lying easier. It can also make sex easier.

2.   Buy her flowers. Do it today! Don't just wait for a special occasion. Surprise her!

3.   Take her out on a date. If you are poor lesbians with bad clothing and mullets then go somwehere cheap. Take her to your parents home for dinner then ask her to have sex in your old bedroom.

4.    Is your love life in the shitter? Plan an evening alone together. Turn off the TV, light candles, put on some Melissa Etheridge, send the kids to a baby sitter or get a hotel room, strip for her, shave your back, clean up the dog shit in the bedroom and put up the book shelves you promised.

5.   Tell her she's beautiful even if she knows shes fairly ugly and she knows it is a definite lie.

6.   Meet her at the door after a long day of work with a glass of wine and a hot bath. The bath will be farily heavy, so you may need a wheelbarrow or some kind of equipment to get it to the door.

7.   Sit behind her when you're watching TV and rub her shoulders and back. She wont see your face when you start to get bored.

8.   Cook her a romantic dinner, complete with candles, flowers and a nice bottle of wine.If she's slightly stupid make sure she understands not to eat the flowers or the candles.

9.   Have interests of your own, but make time for her. She fell for you because you intrigued her. Keep doing what you love. If you're a well-rounded person, you'll always have things to talk about. However if you were a prostitute when you met her perhaps stop that and take up macrame.

10.   Encourage her to follow her heart's desire. Does she have a hidden dream? Does she fantasize of being a famous painter? Buy her an easel. Has she always wanted to climb Mt. Everest? Buy her a mountain. Does she want to return to school? Get her a school uniform and make her wear it while she cleans the fridge. The happier she is with herself, the happier she'll be with you.

11.   Find a common hobby or interest. Whether it's attending a church together, watching horror movies or having surgery. Find something you BOTH like and make time to do it as often as you can.

12.   Listen with your ears and your heart. Let her know you're paying attention. Ask her what she would like to make your relationship better. Be open to what she has to say. If she says leaving you would make it better, slap her.

13.   Follow up your words with actions. Did you promise to go with her to visit her mother? Say you were going to take her out on Saturday night? Return the videos? Do it!

14.   Give her space when she needs it. If she needs some time alone, don't take it personally. Everyone's need for personal space is different. Respect hers. Fix up the garage for her to do her sewing. Get her a little fridge for her cola and a little crack pipe and a bean bag.

15.   Communicate. Listen with respect. Repeat what you heard her say. If she says, "Honey, can we spend some time alone,?" repeat it right back. Follow her around the house mimicing her. It will eventually send her insane.

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